Choosing Sides

There are so many variables in life. Friends disagree, husbands and wives annoy each other, children bicker, misunderstandings occur, and churches grow large and divide, growing new congregations and new opinions. There are so many things to disagree on, we sometimes forget to capitalize on similarities. Whether we like it or not, we sooner or later are tempted to choose a side and rally around a cause. "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom," Solomon suggested in Song of Solomon 2:15. A fox does not have to be big to ruin the vineyard. It does damage enough.


"I just want to let you know that I'm not choosing a side," a person told me this morning, as we discussed a difficult situation. I was puzzled at first, until he went on to say that he hoped for yet a different outcome than what was spoken of previously.


That statement lingered in my mind long after the conversation ended. Are there truly two sides to every story? I believe there are many opinions and many perspectives to most stories. Do we have to choose a side? If Bob and Cathy disagree on an issue, are they not on the same side? Should an onlooker choose one of the two persons to agree with if they want to help to resolve the issue? If Bob and Cathy are "not on the same side" on one opinion, are they also divided on others? How big do issues have to get before one "picks a side?" Are there any totally neutral areas?


Why, when the tension is heavy and tempers heated, do we tend to camp out behind well defined lines? Those with me are my friends and those against me are....well....um.., in the other camp. Why the need for the differentiation?


I really think that when hurts happen and our feelings get stepped on we draw boundaries and dare the other to step across. We tend to nurse our wounds and glare at the opposition. Instead of focusing on the issue, we focus on what we think the other person believes about ourselves. The enemy becomes the other person rather than simply the other person's opinion. What happened to empathy and how do we develop it without choosing sides?


I think the issues are much blacker and whiter than what we think, if we stop firing into the enemy camp and start inspecting our own foxholes. There might have to be a lot of cleaning out to do.


There are only two sides in life, the winning side and the losing side. The Bible lays that out distinctly. If you didn't know that, read the Book all the way to the end. Since we basically have to fill in the blanks, we should have a pretty good recognition about which side you want to be on, God's side or the devil's side. If you start to measure your opinions and preferences there, they lose a lot of influence. After all, we all have differing opinions and preferences about almost everything. We disagree on politics, religion, scriptural interpretation, and whether milk or dark chocolate is best, Very few of us agree with even one person on all of the above. Basically, what divides us into opposing camps is sin, stubbornness, anger, refusal to respect the other person despite a differing opinion, and pride.


If you really wish to help opposing camps reconcile, choose a side. Help them to choose righteousness over being right. Point out their pride, Annihilate their anger. Recognize their disrespect. Teach them how to disagree politely, with grace. Teach them how to love, to blend, to coexist, and to be Godly. God's side is always the side to take. On His side, there are no unruly foxes and no need for foxholes or firing. The war zone will once again be a peaceful and thriving fruit-bearing vineyard.